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  • Writer's pictureDaniel Acosta M.A., AMFT

Successfully Finding the Right Therapist for Couple’s Therapy

My personal experience: I personally recall my wife and I going to couples therapy, including the entire long drawn out process of: looking for and calling a therapist, waiting for that therapist to call us back, finding out if they take our insurance or not, scheduling an appointment that can fit in our schedule, only to find out after doing all that work; the therapist takes one persons side (bias) in the therapy session. This happened to us so many times that we found we were exhausted, extremely disappointed, lost hope, and were ready to give up. I did my own research and this is what I came up with from an actual real-life experiential point of view.

Why is bias so important? I mean don’t we all have biases?Let’s just put it this way, we’re all human beings and sometimes despite decades of experience and training even the most well versed/qualified clinician’s can fall prey to letting their personal beliefs/values/pride/ego permeate into the therapy room. You DO NOT want this to happen to you especially when you’re the one on the short end of the stick.

What to consider when seeking out a therapist? Keep in mind if a therapist has 10, 20, 30, or more years of experience or a host of certifications that in itself doesn’t necessarily always make them the best fit for you. This is very important to understand: it’s true these achievements can be helpful but not if the therapist: has too many cases/is forgetful and you have to re-explain everything in every session, is so much older than you both that you feel like you are talking to your grandparent, is burnt out and has little to no compassion, or on the extremely young side and has little to no life experience (relate-ability). The last thing you will want to do is go from office to office hopping from therapist to therapist in a vulnerable state as a couple only to find the clinicians don’t get you, forget the details, or don’t seem like they really care.

How do I find the right therapist for me? It’s imperative to find a clinician (preferably non-biased and attentive) that you feel comfortable with (this can be determined in a phone consultation), also ensure they are registered and in good standing with the Board of Behavioral Sciences (BBS).

Daniel Acosta M.A., AMFT is a Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist in Mission Viejo, California. He works in private practice with men, women and adolescents and provides individual, couples, pre-marital, family and marital therapy for clients in Orange County. If you would like to schedule a session he can be reached at 949-943-7820 or via email:

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